I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
