Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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