i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
