Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
