her vagine was all disorganized.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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