just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
