i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
