I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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