She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
