did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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