So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
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