He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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