Already got asked if we're dating
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
