woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
