He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
