the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
