I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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