I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
