remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
