I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
