I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
