i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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