But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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