If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
