Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
