White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
