is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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