Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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