My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize
