i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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