Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
