Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
