I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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