brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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