I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
