and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
