watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Randomize
