So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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