Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
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