I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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