I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
do herpes really smell.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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