Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
