Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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