So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
