I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Enjoy the penises
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
