perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
