By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
