I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
