Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
