Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
