Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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