I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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