you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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