Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i think my cat just said my name.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
