we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
