Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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