so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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