Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
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Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
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I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife