My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS