My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.