so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
