I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
we're making bets on your personal life
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
