I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Send help, water and tortillas.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
