wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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