you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
