My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
