P.S. I can't hear my feet
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
