Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
