I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
