I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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