I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
