My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
