If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I faked an abortion last night.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
