States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
