time to smoke my breakfast
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
