Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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