My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
