You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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