I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
