Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Mom said you looked used
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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