my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
