At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
one might say we're banned from that church
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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