my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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