Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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