my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
