Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
