I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
