omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
