Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
