Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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