There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There r osticjed everywhere
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
