alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
